“Just FINISH, Emily!” The words stung. My husband has always been my biggest cheerleader and always made me believe I am capable of doing amazing things. So for him to say something like this stopped me in my tracks. His words hurt. I felt like he didn’t believe in me any more (even though that was a lie). That’s when I started questioning why he would even say “finish”. When did I stop finishing things?
The year was 2011. I had decided this was the year that I was going to conquer that full marathon. I was a runner, after all. I had mastered the 5K races, 10Ks, and even had a few half marathons under my belt. It made sense to run a full marathon!
I told everyone and anyone. I thought if I verbalized my goal that it would hold me accountable (and it did). My pride was at stake! I was not going to back out, no matter what! I found a running plan and began training. And guess what? I ran that bad boy in December! I felt so accomplished! I considered this as my biggest accomplishment in my life at this point. I had done it! I ran a marathon! (That’s 26.2 miles in case you didn’t know!?) I was feeling ten feet tall and bullet proof. There was nothing I couldn’t do!
Fast forward to 2019 with Jason (the hubs) saying “Just FINISH, Emily!” So where did I go wrong? What happened? Cancer. Life. That’s what went. I’d like to say those were the reasons, but you know what? Those are just excuses. Excuses to cover up something that’s going on deep inside of me. Something that I’m not proud of… So what is it, you ask?
I’m tired of doing hard things.
There.
I said it.
I am tired of doing hard things!
Crazy isn’t it? The woman who thought she was unstoppable can’t seem to get started…
So I stood in front of my husband. Hurt. Questioning where I went wrong and wondering how I could get my drive back. It’s not easy, by the way. Once you stop running (or doing the hard things) picking it back up takes extra work. There’s a war going on in your mind that looks different than the first time you started that hard thing. Now it sounds something like this: “I can do this”
“I’ve done it a thousand times before!” or “I can quit whenever I want and pick back up where I left off”
And that’s where the real battle rages. That in between of already mastered to back to the beginning. And it sucks! It’s harder to pick up something again once you’ve laid it down. Which brings me to the next phase…
Am I willing to push through and begin again? There’s always the question of what people will think of me in the back of my mind, which is another battle in and of itself. I’ve never really been one to care what people think, so there’s that!
Yes. Today is a new day. It’s 2020 and I’m willing to do the hard things again. I know it will take work and discipline. I’m ready to be intentional of carving out what is important or aka: priorities.
Today is the first day and I already accomplished the goal that I set out to FINISH.
I wrote 500 words.
#day1
#31daychallenge
#500wordsaday
#finish